The Words from A Father Which Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."